Self-esteem: The term itself includes many categories. It involves issues of self-awareness, self-worth, self-
care, self-image, self-acceptance and self-love. The thoughts that run through our minds on a daily basis
greatly contribute to our self-esteem. These thoughts can be either positive or negative and greatly
contribute to our daily emotions. No one has a “perfect self-esteem”. Unintentional as well as intentional
assaults to our personhood come from numerous events and sources. Messages from parents, teachers,
peers and the general culture greatly impact our self-esteem as we are maturing. In healthy families, parents
are able to counteract the negativity received from outside the home. However, in chaotic or abusive
families, we often receive negative or critical messages from parents that tend to stay with us into adulthood
unless we work to counteract those messages. Low self-esteem can negatively affect every aspect of our
lives, from our work to personal relationships. However, there are steps that can be taken to develop a
healthier self-esteem.
There are definite payoffs to a healthier self-esteem. Individuals who feel positive about themselves, who
like and value themselves tend to attract others into their lives who treat them in the same manner. If we
are constantly negative, self-critical, pessimistic and complaining, other people will see us in the same light.
How we treat ourselves greatly determines how others will treat us.
Individuals with true self-esteem present with confidence and assertiveness. They are not arrogant nor
attempt to gain recognition at the expense of others. Generally, individuals who boast, intimidate others or
exaggerate their sense of worth to others are attempting to compensate for feelings of low self-esteem.
Building A Healthier Self-Esteem:
Listed below are some suggestions for building a healthier self-esteem:
Listed below are some suggestions for building a healthier self-esteem:
- Low self-esteem contributes to depression, insecurity and negatively impacts our lives. An individual
with low self-esteem is prone to inner criticism or “that nagging voice of disapproval” that contributes
to poor performance. Work on what you think about yourself. Negative internal feelings usually lead
to lowered expectations of ourselves and lowered achievements. Positive internal feelings frequently
lead to a brighter outcome.
- Evaluate your unrealistic expectations - Negative self-esteem is driven by thoughts of “shoulds”,
“oughts”, and “musts.” A more positive and realistic approach is to replace these words with
“wants,” “needs” and “likes.”
- Accept the fact that the past cannot be changed. All of us have made mistakes and have regrets from
the past. Continuing to obsess about and punish ourselves for these mistakes prevent us from the
learning the lessons and moving on. Focus on the present and future with the new lessons learned.
- Reflect on the positive experiences in your life. Quit dwelling on your flaws and focus on what is
good in your life. Think about your successes, large and small, rather than your failures. Define
yourself in terms of these positive experiences.
- Set positive and realistic goals for the future. Examine your own needs, assets and abilities and how
you want to use them to achieve the life you want for yourself. Work toward achieving those goals in
small steps. Allow yourself to enjoy the successes along the way. Remember, perfection doesn’t
exist but excellence does.
- Reward yourself along the way. Take time to reward yourself and enjoy the accomplishment when
you reach an important milestone. Life becomes more enjoyable when you celebrate your continuing
success.
- Face your fears. Generally, our fears are worse than the reality of a situation. Dr. Susan Jeffers in
her book, Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway, encourages us to move outside our emotional comfort
zone to accomplish new challenges, thereby increasing our self-confidence and sense of self-worth.
- Re-define your failures. Instead of focusing on your failures, learn the lessons from them and avoid
making the same mistakes again. Remember, your past isn’t a predictor of your future!
- Know what you want and ask for help if you need it. Knowing when to seek help from others is not
a sign of weakness but an indicator of a person’s high self-esteem and intelligence.
- Don’t allow yourself to become defeated. If you run into difficulties, try a different approach or
strategy. We all fail before we meet with success. Remember, success is trying one more time after
falling down.
- Use affirmations to bolster your self-esteem. Using positive statements in the present tense such as “I
am a valuable and lovable person” or “I like myself the way I am” to change long-standing negative
beliefs. Used consistently over time, affirmations become part of your subconscious mind,
contributing to more positive feelings about yourself.
- Surround yourself with positive, supportive people. Being around chronically negative or depressed
individuals will eventually affect your self-esteem. Being around others who are optimistic and
encouraging bolsters your feelings of self-esteem.
- Keep a success list or success journal. This list would include both small and large accomplishments
or “victories” in which you are proud. Frequently remembering these events and the positive feelings
you experienced is one way to boost your self-esteem.
- Make a list of your positive qualities and review the list often. Most of us are quick to focus on our
negative attributes but often ignore the many positive qualities we have. Start focusing on your
positive traits and your self-esteem will gradually improve.
- Finally, stop comparing yourself to other people. We will always find someone who has either more
or less than we do. If we’re constantly playing the comparison game, we rarely wind up the winner.
Recognize that each of us is better at some things, average at others, and lesser at still other things.
Our goal needs to be to become the best person we know how to be in order to live our life with
integrity.
Characteristics of Individuals With Positive Self-Esteem:
Individuals with healthy self-esteem tend to have a number of characteristics in common. These include:
Individuals with healthy self-esteem tend to have a number of characteristics in common. These include:
- Taking responsibility for one’s own feelings and actions
- Having healthy coping skills...being able to handle stress in a productive manner
- Giving and taking compliments graciously
- Focusing on the present and future
- Learning from past mistakes
- Listening openly to others without judging or criticizing
- Having healthy respect for one's own body and appearance
- Making decisions from internal values and beliefs
- Being able to take calculated risks and challenging oneself
- Being able to laugh at oneself and our human quirks
- Never embarassing, humiliating or putting another person down intentionally
- Accepting mistakes as part of life
- Being open to feedback from others
- Listening to criticism without anger
- Being neither too independent nor too dependent on others
Note: This article is for informational purposes only. If you are in need of mental health services, please contact a provider in your community. © 2008 Family Recovery Resources All Rights Reserved |
Low self-esteem can negatively affect every aspect of our lives, from our work to our personal relationships. |
Individuals with healthy self-esteem take responsibility for their own feelings and actions....and accept that mistakes are a part of life. |
An excellent resource to work on self-esteem and goal-setting concerns is Self-Improvement: The
Top 101 Experts That Help Us Improve Our Lives by David Riklan. This e-book contains excerpts from
well-known authors such as John Gray, Ph.D. (author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From
Venus), Dr. Phil, Oprah Winfrey, Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup For the Soul series fame), Deepak
Chopra, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Dr. Harville Hendricks and Robert Kiyosaki. The Top 101
Experts holds valuable lessons from people who have achieved remarkable success and are sharing their
insight for improving self-esteem and reaching your goals.
To learn more about this resource, click on: http://tinyurl.com/3arw9h
Top 101 Experts That Help Us Improve Our Lives by David Riklan. This e-book contains excerpts from
well-known authors such as John Gray, Ph.D. (author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From
Venus), Dr. Phil, Oprah Winfrey, Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup For the Soul series fame), Deepak
Chopra, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Dr. Harville Hendricks and Robert Kiyosaki. The Top 101
Experts holds valuable lessons from people who have achieved remarkable success and are sharing their
insight for improving self-esteem and reaching your goals.
To learn more about this resource, click on: http://tinyurl.com/3arw9h
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