How often do we hear other people or ourselves use the word "should"? "I should
have spent more time with my child", "I should be further along in my career by
now", "I should be able to tackle that major project and still have time left over for
my family."
I once heard a colleague say that "to should is to shame." The word "should"
frequently places unrealistic expectations upon us as it erodes our self-esteem.
Frequently, these unrealistic expectations stem from a sense of perfectionism. With
"should" we look at events from a framework of regret or blame. However, we can
re-frame a situation and establish goals for what we'd like to accomplish without
berating ourselves.
Replacing the word "should" with pro-active words such as "I plan to", "I'd like to",
or "I need to" takes us out of a victim or immobilized state. Words have great
influence on the subconscious mind. It's been said that our conscious mind is the
general and the subconscious mind is the army. Our subconscious mind takes in what
we say out loud or to ourselves , whether fact or fiction. .That's why it's vital that we
give ourselves positive, nurturing messages.
Remember, don't "should" yourself into a negative mood!
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Note: This article is for informational purposes only. If you are in need of
mental health services, please contact a provider in your community.
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