Caregiving

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Providing for the health, safety or social needs of another person can bring a deep sense of satisfaction
to a caregiver. Many give tirelessly of themselves to benefit those who are sick, elderly, or who are in
some way vulnerable. Communities owe a debt of thanks to those who continue in this tradition of
care-giving.

However, sometimes caregivers can give too much of themselves, to the detriment of their own
physical or mental health. Over-responsible involvement can leave an individual feeling drained and
even resentful This pattern can operate in many areas, including work, family and personal
relationships.

One way to measure whether over-responsibility is an issue is to evaluate if we are doing for other
people what they can and need to do for themselves. Often referred to as enabling, the individual we
are helping sometimes develops a pattern of under-responsibility. A vicious cycle then can emerge. All
relationships seek homeostatis or balance. When one of the individuals becomes irresponsible, the
more responsible the other may feel he or she must become to balance out the relationship.

Characteristics of over-responsibility include subordinating one's own needs to those of the person with
whom one is involved, feeling guilty for setting appropriate boundaries with another person, feeling a
sense of emotional discomfort, resentment or even suffering associated with attending to the needs of
others, lack of self-care that can lead to physical or emotional exhaustion, and decreased self-esteem,
respect and responsibility for oneself.

What are the origins of over-responsibility? Frequently, the pattern begins in families that are struggling
with problems such as mental or physical illness, substance abuse, or abandonment by a parent. It can
also develop in children who have been abused. Children may learn early that by becoming
over-responsible they can exert some sense of control over their surroundings and as a way to deal with
their overwhelming emotions.

Changing over-responsible behavior needs to be a steady, supported process. Steps in this process
include 1) awareness of the pattern, 2) detachment with caring, 3) boundary setting and 4) exploring
the origins of over-responsibility. For some individuals, this process may require the assistance of a
mental health professional.

               Note: This article is for informational purposes only. If you are in need of mental health
               services, please contact a provider in your community.

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