The bully in the school yard has been a constant for a long time. So long, that many of us
have considered bullying almost a rite of passage of childhood. However, we now know
that bullying can leave serious emotional scars for the victims if continued long enough and
is severe enough. Bullying is defined as an attempt by a person or group to harm someone
who is weaker or more vulnerable. It can involve a wide range of activities, including
hitting, pushing, threatening or intimidating, maliciously teasing, name-calling, stealing or
damaging personal belongings, spreading rumors about another, encouraging others to
reject or exclude someone from a group, or making inappropriate sexual comments to or
about an individual. The internet has become a recent tool of the bully. She or he can
harass the victim by posting intimidating or humiliating information about a peer on a
website or send threatening e-mails.
Obviously, the bully doesn’t always have to use physical aggression to hurt his or her
victim. In fact, verbal harassment is used twice as often as physical aggression in bullying.
The National Association of School Psychologists in its 2006 “Helping Children at Home
And School” publication emphasizes how easy it is for adults to minimize the impact of
name calling and other verbal teasing on children.
Bullying occurs across racial, ethnic and socio-economic levels. Boys are twice as likely to
be bullies as girls as well as almost twice as likely to be victims of bullies. Both boys and
girls can find creative ways to be cruel to one another. However, boys tend to use more
physical aggression while girls are more likely to spread rumors or use more subtle and
indirect forms of aggression.
have considered bullying almost a rite of passage of childhood. However, we now know
that bullying can leave serious emotional scars for the victims if continued long enough and
is severe enough. Bullying is defined as an attempt by a person or group to harm someone
who is weaker or more vulnerable. It can involve a wide range of activities, including
hitting, pushing, threatening or intimidating, maliciously teasing, name-calling, stealing or
damaging personal belongings, spreading rumors about another, encouraging others to
reject or exclude someone from a group, or making inappropriate sexual comments to or
about an individual. The internet has become a recent tool of the bully. She or he can
harass the victim by posting intimidating or humiliating information about a peer on a
website or send threatening e-mails.
Obviously, the bully doesn’t always have to use physical aggression to hurt his or her
victim. In fact, verbal harassment is used twice as often as physical aggression in bullying.
The National Association of School Psychologists in its 2006 “Helping Children at Home
And School” publication emphasizes how easy it is for adults to minimize the impact of
name calling and other verbal teasing on children.
Bullying occurs across racial, ethnic and socio-economic levels. Boys are twice as likely to
be bullies as girls as well as almost twice as likely to be victims of bullies. Both boys and
girls can find creative ways to be cruel to one another. However, boys tend to use more
physical aggression while girls are more likely to spread rumors or use more subtle and
indirect forms of aggression.
There are some common traits of the bully. Typically a bully is physically aggressive,
impulsive and easily angered. Bullies have a strong need to dominate others and have little
concern for their victims’ feelings. Male bullies tend to be physically bigger and stronger
than their peers and have a pro-violence attitude. They are more likely to get into trouble
either at school or with law enforcement and are more likely to engage in fighting, drinking
and smoking than their peers.
Teens who come from homes where there is little emotional support, have little parental
involvement in their everyday lives, and whose parents fail to monitor their activities on a
regular basis are most likely to become bullies. Research has found that parental discipline
styles also play a role in teen bullying. Either an extremely permissive approach where no
limits are set for the child or an extremely harsh, rigid style has the potential to increase the
risk of bullying. Bullying is frequently a warning sign that the teen is at risk for more
serious violence. Bullies are more likely to also engage in other anti-social activities such
as vandalism, shoplifting, truancy or drug abuse. Research has shown that bullies are
more likely to be convicted of crimes as adults.
Bullies are frequently children or teens who have been physically abused or bullied
themselves. Sometimes, they are experiencing a difficult life situation (such as a divorce or
death in the family). Their poor coping skills frequently leaves them feeling helpless and
out of control. Having control over someone else gives some temporary relief from their
own feelings of powerlessness.
Children or teens who tend to become victims have some common characteristics as well.
These children or teens are more like to: have low self-esteem, have feelings of insecurity
and a lack of social skills, are approval seeking, become easily emotionally distraught and
are unable to defend or stand up for themselves. This in no way, however, justifies a child
being victimized by a bully. Children who are not bullied tend to be more assertive and are
able to suggest compromises when conflicts arise. Because of a higher self-esteem level,
they are able to function better within their peer group.
Bullying that continues for any length of time can have adverse effects on the victims’ self-
esteem and feelings of self-worth. Due to their fear and anxiety, the children or teens are
likely to become socially isolated, leading to depression. Frequently, they are afraid of
talking about their situation and suffer in silence. Often, they blame themselves for the
bullying. They may have difficulty concentrating or focusing in school and may even
avoid attending school. In extreme cases, bullying can have devastating consequences.
The victim may begin to carry a weapon to school for protection or carry out a violent
revenge attack on their bully. Some victims have actually out of desperation committed
suicide.
The victim isn’t the only one victimized by the bully. Children or teens witnessing bullying
episodes are psychologically affected as well. They may feel guilty or helpless for not
standing up to the bully or for not reporting the incident. Rarely do student bystanders
intervene or report bullying activity. Teens or children may deal with these feelings by
blaming the victim or avoiding the victim. They may fear losing status among the group if
they object to the bullying or fear being targeted for bullying themselves.
What can a parent do if he or she believes their child is being bullied? First, get as much
information about the situation as possible. It’s important not to over-react or blame your
child or the child who is bullying. Ask questions about your child’s or teen’s behavior and
style of interacting with the bully. Often a child or teen will not disclose bullying because
of embarrassment or shame or the belief that disclosing the bullying will make the situation
worse. It is important to assure your child that the situation can be handled without it
escalating. The first approach may be teaching your child or teen alternative ways in
dealing with the bully. These approaches might include not reacting, walking away, getting
help if pursued or being more assertive. If the first approach doesn’t work, then it is
appropriate to contact your school’s guidance counselor or school psychologist for
assistance. Most school districts now have a “Zero Tolerance” policy for bullying and
have specific guidelines for handling bullying situations in the school setting. Many school
districts throughout the country are now implementing school-wide bullying prevention
programs that promote a positive school and community environment to address the issue.
impulsive and easily angered. Bullies have a strong need to dominate others and have little
concern for their victims’ feelings. Male bullies tend to be physically bigger and stronger
than their peers and have a pro-violence attitude. They are more likely to get into trouble
either at school or with law enforcement and are more likely to engage in fighting, drinking
and smoking than their peers.
Teens who come from homes where there is little emotional support, have little parental
involvement in their everyday lives, and whose parents fail to monitor their activities on a
regular basis are most likely to become bullies. Research has found that parental discipline
styles also play a role in teen bullying. Either an extremely permissive approach where no
limits are set for the child or an extremely harsh, rigid style has the potential to increase the
risk of bullying. Bullying is frequently a warning sign that the teen is at risk for more
serious violence. Bullies are more likely to also engage in other anti-social activities such
as vandalism, shoplifting, truancy or drug abuse. Research has shown that bullies are
more likely to be convicted of crimes as adults.
Bullies are frequently children or teens who have been physically abused or bullied
themselves. Sometimes, they are experiencing a difficult life situation (such as a divorce or
death in the family). Their poor coping skills frequently leaves them feeling helpless and
out of control. Having control over someone else gives some temporary relief from their
own feelings of powerlessness.
Children or teens who tend to become victims have some common characteristics as well.
These children or teens are more like to: have low self-esteem, have feelings of insecurity
and a lack of social skills, are approval seeking, become easily emotionally distraught and
are unable to defend or stand up for themselves. This in no way, however, justifies a child
being victimized by a bully. Children who are not bullied tend to be more assertive and are
able to suggest compromises when conflicts arise. Because of a higher self-esteem level,
they are able to function better within their peer group.
Bullying that continues for any length of time can have adverse effects on the victims’ self-
esteem and feelings of self-worth. Due to their fear and anxiety, the children or teens are
likely to become socially isolated, leading to depression. Frequently, they are afraid of
talking about their situation and suffer in silence. Often, they blame themselves for the
bullying. They may have difficulty concentrating or focusing in school and may even
avoid attending school. In extreme cases, bullying can have devastating consequences.
The victim may begin to carry a weapon to school for protection or carry out a violent
revenge attack on their bully. Some victims have actually out of desperation committed
suicide.
The victim isn’t the only one victimized by the bully. Children or teens witnessing bullying
episodes are psychologically affected as well. They may feel guilty or helpless for not
standing up to the bully or for not reporting the incident. Rarely do student bystanders
intervene or report bullying activity. Teens or children may deal with these feelings by
blaming the victim or avoiding the victim. They may fear losing status among the group if
they object to the bullying or fear being targeted for bullying themselves.
What can a parent do if he or she believes their child is being bullied? First, get as much
information about the situation as possible. It’s important not to over-react or blame your
child or the child who is bullying. Ask questions about your child’s or teen’s behavior and
style of interacting with the bully. Often a child or teen will not disclose bullying because
of embarrassment or shame or the belief that disclosing the bullying will make the situation
worse. It is important to assure your child that the situation can be handled without it
escalating. The first approach may be teaching your child or teen alternative ways in
dealing with the bully. These approaches might include not reacting, walking away, getting
help if pursued or being more assertive. If the first approach doesn’t work, then it is
appropriate to contact your school’s guidance counselor or school psychologist for
assistance. Most school districts now have a “Zero Tolerance” policy for bullying and
have specific guidelines for handling bullying situations in the school setting. Many school
districts throughout the country are now implementing school-wide bullying prevention
programs that promote a positive school and community environment to address the issue.
| Note: This article is for informational purposes only. If you are in need of mental health services, please contact a provider in your community. © 2008 Family Recovery Resources All Rights Reserved |
Bullying occurs across all racial, ethnic and socio-economic levels. |
Children who are victimized by ongoing bullying are likely to become socially isolated and depressed. |
An excellent resource for additional information on the topic of bullying is "Solving The
Bullying Problem" by Robyn Collins and Wendy Nichols. These two teachers give you
the benefit of their over 39 years combined teaching experience as they share their
experience and research concerning bullying. To learn more about their e-book, click on:
http://tinyurl.com/292vc4
Bullying Problem" by Robyn Collins and Wendy Nichols. These two teachers give you
the benefit of their over 39 years combined teaching experience as they share their
experience and research concerning bullying. To learn more about their e-book, click on:
http://tinyurl.com/292vc4
Another resource for dealing with the problem of bullying is the National Youth Violence
Prevention Resource Center at www.safeyouth.org
Prevention Resource Center at www.safeyouth.org
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